is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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