Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
