I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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