she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
