i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
