first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize