Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
