I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
