I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
