I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
