my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
