Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
