Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I believe in your delicious
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
