I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
