dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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