Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
