All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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