Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
