this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
