K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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