every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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