fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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