grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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