Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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