I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
