Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
