If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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