I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
