I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
