I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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