If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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