i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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