I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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