I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
