I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
