You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
