porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
