this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
