Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
