Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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