i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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