Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
