dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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