i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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