The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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