why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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