____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
