Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
