I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
