can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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