I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
