Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
