I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
