I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
