The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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