I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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