WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
