PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
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I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize