So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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