Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
